Two years ago, I was sitting on my front porch, looking up into the black sky when an overwhelming sense of hopelessness settled on me like a blanket.

I started crying and couldn’t stop. I felt as though I had plunged headlong into the bottom of a deep hole — one I may never be able to climb out of. In desperation, I called my mom. She understood.

For most of my life, I battled a litany of issues: anger, failed relationships, and then at the age of 30 — a devastating diagnosis of bipolar and depression that almost destroyed me. At my lowest, I barricaded myself in the house, hung sheets and towels over the windows to block myself off from the world, and began imagining people were spying on me.

Although I had seen doctors and been on medication, I lost all hope. That night on the porch, Mom sent me a link to It Is Well by Bethel. As soon as the music started, the floodgates opened. I fell to my knees and cried out for God to save me and then I promised to do whatever He wanted me to do. These weren’t tears of sadness, but tears of hope and release. I was hungry for more and so my search for God began.

I googled Christian music and eventually found Hillsong music and Hillsong Channel. On nights when the paranoia surfaced, the music calmed me. I had the songs Broken Vessels and Let There Be Light on repeat.

In 2019, I accepted Jesus and since then I have been attending Hillsong Boston. I also have Hillsong Channel playing in the background throughout the day, bringing wisdom, encouragement, comfort, and a relentless hope for the future. It amazes me how each program on the Channel speaks to my heart and provides guidance and wisdom for my current circumstance.

The Hillsong Channel, the amazing connect group I am a part of, serving on the host team at my church, and being able to pray for others has helped shape who I am today.

I can honestly say, it is well with my soul.

God is so faithful and when darkness falls, He will bring light. If you must — throw yourself on the living room or kitchen floor as I did on my porch that evening – He will rescue you. When you are weak, He is strong.